What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
