Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
