I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
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