i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
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