I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Well I just put wine in my tea
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
