I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Randomize
