Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
