i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
