There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
The cops high fived after they tackled you
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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