did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
My liver just had a heart attack.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
