Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
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