Even the bartender felt bad for me
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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