where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
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