i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
