I'm lost and stupid without you.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
