he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
40s are totally the cure
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
