You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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