Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
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