i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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