i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
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