What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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