is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
