If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Randomize
