I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Randomize
