Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Randomize
