You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
