I'm jealous of your bromance
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
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