I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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