No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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