What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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