dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
