i would punch a child for taco bell
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
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