I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
