I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Randomize
