are you so shy because you have an std?
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
