yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
