If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
