I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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