Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Randomize
