i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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