Sponge bath it is.
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Randomize
