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you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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