I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Randomize
