ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
