Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
