That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
