I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
