oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Randomize
