I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
