i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
