The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
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