I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
