Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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