Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
