Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
foreskin is a definite game changer
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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