It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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