You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
