how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
